regina as the mean-time girl...

Major LOL. 

I have decided to stalk myself on Google and look what I've found - a very dramatic Xanga post back in 2005. LOL. Drama to the max!!!

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regina as the mean-time girl...

 

You know i am willing fight for you, you know that i do not have anything against her,i admire her with all sincerity, i do envy her because she has your love,

but i do not loathe her, if i could sum up the courage to talk to her, i would say that she is the luckiest girl in the world having been loved by you...i have patiently put up for the most part of being the rebound girl, tecnically i am, coz i am here, with you, but when that time comes that you can be with her finally,

my role ends..i have nagged about this at the start - about everything, but have i been nagging about it lately?

 

I have tried to let you be,listened to everything that you have to say without any hard feelings....when i was in your room, you were letting me read a great poem which reminds you of her but your head is leaning on my shoulders,and how it broke my heart and i almost cried, but i never did, i told myself i had to be strong and not showyou that i am dying inside. saying sorry because you feel that i feel i was used is not the same as saying sorry for something thatyou have done or even recognizing the fact that indeed you did something that made me feel that way.

 

I have stopped asking for your love because i know i will never have it either way - neither the passive nor the nagging regina will have you... and i was praying that somehow a miracle will bring me to you,although i dont believe in miracles...you just have to recognize the fact that that night, when we barely made conversation, i simply had to burst out like a big bubble...i have tried to distance myself from you, thinking that my feelings will die as i have experienced before with other guys,but i have not been successful and will never be... i have distanced myself to other guys thinking that if i let you feel that you made an impact on my life and somehow changed me for the better, you would realize your worth to me.

 

And i am never blaming you for all this misery, i am responsible for this, i tried to be strong and be firm and stick to everything that i tell you, but somehow i am defeated by this feeling.